I don’t do crowds

We had a guest speaker at the Buddhist Centre this evening, and a larger number of people than usual turned up as a result. We were all crammed “cosily” into the shrine room in order to fit everyone in.

For a few years now, I have struggled with mental illness. Even though I’ve made great progress in that regard, I still find crowds very difficult to cope with because they tend to make me very anxious. The guest speaker may well have been very good, but I was too busy fighting feelings of panic to listen to him fully.

When everyone stood up to leave the room afterwards, I stayed where I was until the crowd thinned a bit. I must have looked like I felt, because someone made a point of asking if I was OK. I said I was, but maybe I should have told the truth instead.

I’ve come a long way,  but I clearly still have a long way to go.

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